He had never denied his admiration for this woman.
Perhaps it was because of Mingzhu. Or maybe it was due to those admirers; he had never paid much attention to women, always feeling that although their innate talent was not inferior to men's, their minds were often filled with too many trivial things. Except for a select few, they were not suited for cultivating immortality.
But Mo Tiange was the one he considered among that select few.
She was diligent. When her innate talent was extremely poor, she did not wallow in self-pity but worked twice as hard as others. Even after learning she possessed extraordinary talent, she never slackened. She was earnest. From the moment he met her, he had never seen her focus her mind on other messy affairs; she only earnestly cultivated immortality and earnestly walked her own path. She had self-respect. Starting from when she was just a lowly Qi Refining cultivator with nothing, if she wanted to go further on the Immortal Dao, she always relied on her own efforts and never sold her pride or dignity. She also possessed some wisdom. Although she would make mistakes and take wrong paths, she would learn from her lessons.
From the moment he met her—such an utterly inconspicuous little cultivator in Kunwu—she slowly grew to this day, becoming a true elite disciple of a major sect. Her effort and perseverance never changed, while her experience and conduct matured. Although he himself had given her a push along the way, her innate talent and hard work were undeniable.
In fact, in some ways, she had very good luck. She thought she had a waste Spirit Root, but it turned out to be heaven-bestowed talent. Moreover, she gained the favor of a God Transformation Cultivator and obtained some exotic treasures.
But her own efforts were worthy of such results.
Truthfully, which cultivator who reaches the later stages is not the result of diligence plus luck? Master can be considered unlucky; his advancements all relied on his own cultivation. Yet he possesses no shortage of exotic treasures for combat, and these are also the foundation of his standing. Uncle-Master Zhenyang, Uncle-Master Miaoyi, including that Songfeng Shangren who holds a grudge against our master and disciple—which of them hasn't encountered Opportunities or obtained exotic treasures? This includes himself.
Everyone in West Kunwu says Qin Shoujing is a once-in-a-millennium genius of Tianji. But in reality? Dual Spirit Root aptitude, even if both Spirit Roots are extremely good—how can that compare to those true geniuses with single Spirit Roots or variant Spirit Roots? Even if his mind was pure and he never encountered bottlenecks, it was the same.
Before Foundation Establishment, it was indeed the result of his own efforts, but it also couldn't have happened without Master's nurturing. After Foundation Establishment, he often went out, both to temper his state of mind and to seek Opportunities. Because he felt he couldn't rely on Master his entire life.
His luck was good, and he had sufficient vigilance. Thus, he smoothly encountered many Opportunities and obtained many spiritual treasures, including the Yang Spirit Bead and the Three Yang True Fire Sword.
Forming his Core at seventy-eight—those unaware were amazed that a dual Spirit Root cultivator could achieve this. But in reality? It was because he obtained the Yang Spirit Bead.
The Yang Spirit Bead was an exotic treasure formed by the convergence of heaven and earth's Spiritual Qi. It itself was condensed from extremely pure Yang-attributed Spiritual Qi. Though tiny, it had sucked dry a certain Spirit Vein in Kunwu, turning it into an ordinary mountain peak devoid of Spiritual Qi. Then it was buried somewhere for over a hundred thousand years before he obtained it.
Therefore, after obtaining the Yang Spirit Bead, he fundamentally no longer needed to absorb Spiritual Qi from the external world because, in a sense, he had an entire Spirit Vein within his body.
It was such an exotic treasure that allowed his cultivation to advance by leaps and bounds, smoothly advancing to the Core Formation stage at merely seventy-eight.
But if it were someone else, could they definitely obtain these exotic treasures and encounter these Opportunities? Sometimes, even if Opportunities and exotic treasures were placed right before one's eyes, those who didn't strive wouldn't obtain them.
Those who didn't know how to strive but always attributed the higher cultivation of others to innate talent or opportunities, or those who relied on their outstanding talent and didn't work hard—they would never understand these principles.
So, in a certain sense, his admiration for this woman was because she made him see himself.
Master told him that opposite or similar people tend to feel curious about each other, and curiosity is the first step toward developing feelings.
He originally didn't believe it, but now he had no choice but to believe.
When did he start seeing her as a woman, not a child?
Perhaps it was when she came to the Xuanqing Sect and restored her true identity. Or maybe during those long thirty-five years. He wanted to recall but found he couldn't remember clearly. Sometimes he even felt this emotion seemed to have no origin; it just suddenly arose.
Because of admiration, there was curiosity. Because of curiosity, there was attention. Because of attention, he placed more thought on her. When more and more thought was placed, in the end, it became something he couldn't let go of.
Sometimes he carefully recalled—perhaps it was because when they met, she had already grown up? Their meeting was delayed by seven years, giving her enough time to grow up. So from the beginning, even though he would still think, "this child is like this or that," in his heart he was clear: she had grown up; she was not a child.
She treated him as a fellow cultivator of the same rank. She would joke with him, share some experiences, even talk about some personal matters. This kind of relaxed pleasure made him feel joy.
And his subconscious desire to conceal his own identity was also because he liked this feeling of equality between them. He always felt that if he told the truth, the distance between them would instantly grow far, and she would no longer have that kind of trust in him.
He told Zhong Muling that if he didn't conceal it, she wouldn't stay at the Xuanqing Sect. Yes, that was one of the reasons. At that time, she was like a startled bird. If she knew his true identity, she would probably try every means to escape, right? She could have a little trust in Qin Xi, but she couldn't fully trust Qin Shoujing, especially after fleeing like that back then.
When he went to rescue her during the beast tide, he didn't think too much about it. Did he harbor extra feelings for her at that time? It seemed too long ago; he couldn't quite remember. But he could be sure that his past self would not have had thoughts of dual cultivation or the like.
A cultivator who had just reached Foundation Establishment—he would not have taken a fancy to her, even if her talent was extraordinary. A gap of over a hundred years meant nothing in the eyes of cultivators, and there was no blood relation between him and her. Even he and his father were merely companions; although they were close friends, in reality, there was also a gap of about a hundred years. Seniority? For cultivators, this was fundamentally not an issue. There was only one thing he couldn't help but care about: the gap in cultivation.
He patiently savored and searched the depths of his heart for traces of the past, only to find the reason so simple. He was not a transcendent person; the utilitarianism of cultivators was deeply buried in his bones and blood. Even if he felt some fondness, he, Qin Shoujing, the future hope of the Xuanqing Sect, would not want to marry a woman who had just reached Foundation Establishment, with her Immortal path unknown.
These were fragments he picked out today upon reflection. Back then, he had never thought of them.
Later, entering the Illusory Heaven Realm and meeting those two God Transformation Cultivators subjected him to such humiliation.
He originally thought he stood high above looking down at her, harboring a little fondness in his heart but finding it difficult to convince himself to let go of his views on cultivation disparity. Yet in the eyes of others, he was only worth the two words: "furnace cauldron."
"Furnace cauldron"—for a man, these two words were almost the greatest humiliation.
For Qin Shoujing, who thought so highly of himself and looked down upon the mundane world, it was even more so.
Thus, he cultivated frantically, wanting those two to know that he, Qin Shoujing, would become an existence that could stand shoulder to shoulder with them, even surpass them, and ultimately step onto the Great Dao.
But Master said he had fallen into his own Demonic Obstacle, telling him to carefully recall the simplicity of when he first began cultivating immortality.
Back then, he didn't cultivate immortality for any particular reason; he just wanted to cultivate immortality. So he had no entanglements, no obsessions; he simply cultivated wholeheartedly.
But now it wasn't like that.
Over the years, he wasn't unaware that his state of mind had changed. He was no longer that Qin Shoujing whose heart held no extra emotions, who didn't know the taste of obsession, who was pure-hearted and desireless, with a simple Dao heart.
But once changed, how could he return to his original simplicity?
He tried to calm himself, and thus this closed-door cultivation lasted thirty-five years.
And these thirty-five years were actually him falling into the trap he himself laid, ultimately firmly trapping himself. The more he wanted to prove himself, or imagined loving her more, the more entangled he became with obsessions, and the harder it was to rid himself of the Demonic Obstacle.
Today, bit by bit, he slowly gathered these thoughts from the corners of his memory—thoughts he had never carefully considered in the past—no matter how unspeakable these past ideas were.
He originally thought his life might be like this: engrossed in Immortal Dao，a life of solitude，ultimately step onto the supreme The Great Dao。
Or perhaps he would genuinely fall in love with a woman, regardless of her identity or status, accompanying each other until their lifespan ended, sitting in meditation together until death.
But it turned out he was not as pure and desireless as he thought, nor as aloof as he imagined.
He developed feelings for a woman but was trapped by his views on cultivation disparity, enjoying the superiority of looking down upon her. Because of his self-esteem, and because this sense of superiority was violated, he cultivated frantically to make himself able to look down upon her once more.
Why did he have such dark emotions? Perhaps because he couldn't let go of her, yet even more couldn't let go of his own ridiculous self-esteem, not wanting to admit he was the first to be moved. Or perhaps he was inherently this utilitarian, no different from those other cultivators.
Master was right. He had fallen into a Demonic Obstacle, thinking that if he focused on cultivating himself to Nascent Soul, he could rid himself of these unspeakable dark thoughts. But in reality, this was putting the cart before the horse.
However, even if he understood his own heart, he would not speak these words now.
If he spoke them now, how would it be different from wanting to use her? Unable to form his Nascent Soul, he would think of obtaining her to free himself from his obsession and smoothly form his Nascent Soul? He didn't want to do such a despicable thing; he wasn't willing to be associated with it in the slightest.
This was the last bit of persistence he could manage after acknowledging all his darkness.
The Great Dao of becoming an Immortal was ultimately a path one had to walk oneself. How could one place hope on unorthodox methods? Even with love, the matter of cultivating immortality remained his lifelong wish.
And she, presumably, would not want a love tainted with utilitarianism.
Therefore, if he loved, if he couldn't let go, then he would wait until he formed his Nascent Soul and she formed her Golden Core, and then simply ask: Would you be willing to seek the Immortal Dao together?
If she was willing, his long-cherished wish could be fulfilled. If she was unwilling, they would have no fate in this life.