Just a turn away, yet it had hurt her so deeply.
He hadn't thought about it. Perhaps even she herself hadn't realized.
Qin Xi was Qin Shoujing. When she realized this, she tried to make herself accept it, but he had rejected her approach with his cold attitude, so she concluded that Qin Shoujing was not Qin Xi.
But this deduction was completely wrong!
Why had he been like that back then? Because he held a slight fondness for her, yet his pride had been wounded by those two God Transformation cultivators. He rejected her approach because of that wounded, trivial pride, and also because... at that time, his feelings hadn't run so deep.
"That was because..."
This time, she gave him time, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.
Because the feelings weren't that deep back then? Even if that was the truth, if he spoke those words now, there would truly be no hope left.
What else could he say? He wasn't a man who lied easily, nor one who could spout sweet words at will. He was clumsy with words; what he said was always true. Deception... he had only done it once, and that one time, he was now paying the price.
For a long while, Qin Xi gave no answer, and so her expression gradually turned into a cold sneer: "Can't say it?"
He turned his head away, not knowing how to face her gaze.
Until she felt utterly disappointed: "You're always like this. You give me illusions, then retreat, leaving me to struggle alone in the whirlpool. When I finally climb out, you try to pull me back down... I formed my Core, I grew indifferent. If you ignored me, perhaps these feelings would slowly die. But why did you have to provoke me again? Qin Shoujing, you just know I love you!"
After shouting this, even she didn't realize how much grievance she had been holding.
In this life, she had lost too much, so she wasn't afraid of loss. But she hated this feeling of being unable to obtain something yet unable to let it go!
When she formed her Core, she had calmly dealt with these feelings. If not for his ambiguous provocations during this period, perhaps after a few more years, they truly would have vanished.
But he hadn't let her go. All along this journey, he seemed affectionate yet heartless. One moment treating her too well, the next icy cold—he hadn't openly flirted with her like Jing Xingzhi. If he had, perhaps the last remnants of her feelings would have disappeared without a trace. He just stood at a distance that seemed both near and far, making her unable to get close, unable to leave, unable to bear parting.
"Can't say it?" Decades of pent-up emotions poured out, yet there was no response. Mo Tiange calmed down and stopped him just as he was about to speak. She raised her head, with a hint of pride, and looked at him: "Then there's no need to say anything. I've passed Core Formation, and I will continue walking the path to Nascent Soul! Let today's matter end here. I don't want to hear any more reasons, and please keep your distance from now on!"
"No..." How could he stop now? Especially after she had said those words! "Tian Ge..."
Unable to retreat further, Mo Tiange could only turn her back to him. If she couldn't see him, perhaps she wouldn't soften.
But his arms wrapped around her from behind. In the narrow crevice, she simply couldn't break free.
His breath was by her ear, carrying barely restrained agitation: "How can you ask me to keep my distance? You... you said you love me..."
"So what?" she sneered. "Didn't you already know?"
"I didn't know!" He forcefully turned her body around. "I knew you had feelings for the former 'Senior Brother Qin,' but I didn't know how deep they were. I thought, I thought..." He grew so agitated his words became incoherent. "You could form your Core, so you must have... at least not so much..."
After a jumbled mess of words, he grew serious again and asked earnestly: "Why could you form your Core?"
Mo Tiange was stunned, then furious: "What do you mean, why could I form my Core? Would you be happier if I couldn't?"
"Of course not!" Qin Xi was so flustered he didn't know what to say. "But... but... I can't form my Nascent Soul! I've tried many methods—pills, mental cultivation, even... even letting Master use a secret technique to enter my sea of consciousness—but I always fail at the last hurdle. There's no reason you could..."
"What does your failure to form a Nascent Soul have to do with me?!" she grew even angrier. "Let go!"
"I won't let go. If I let go after you've said all that, I'd be a fool! Master would definitely beat me to death if he knew!"
"You..."
"Wait!" He calmed down slightly. "Let me think about how to say this."
He thought and thought, but still didn't know what to say in this situation. So, in the end, Qin Xi gave up: "Forget it. I'll start from the beginning. From now on, you're not allowed to speak."
"Why should I..."
The rest of her words were blocked. Mo Tiange angrily opened her mouth to bite, but Qin Xi didn't give her the chance. He cupped her jaw, biting her tongue to stop her from speaking.
After a good while, the entanglement ended. Breathing unsteadily, she finally caught her breath: "You..."
He stopped her between her teeth: "I said, from now on you're not allowed to speak. If you insist on talking, then neither of us will say anything."
"..." Mo Tiange felt something was off. How did it seem like she was being led by the nose? But if she didn't listen to him, that didn't seem right either...
Seeing her confused expression, Qin Xi couldn't help but smile. He smoothed her already disheveled long hair and said softly, "Listen to me, okay?"
She hesitated for a moment, then finally acquiesced. It seemed... not acquiescing wasn't an option either.
"I... admit, at the very beginning, there weren't many feelings. I just felt that simply being Qin Xi and getting along with you felt good. If I had resumed being Qin Shoujing back then, you would definitely have kept your distance. Besides, you're so suspicious—if Qin Shoujing had rescued you, would you have been so close to me?"
Mo Tiange didn't answer, but from her expression, he got his answer.
Qin Xi smiled. "You seem... always afraid of power that exceeds your own. Perhaps because that makes you feel unsafe. I can understand—guarding such a secret, you must be cautious everywhere. But such wariness makes you reject all forces you cannot control. If I were Qin Shoujing, you definitely wouldn't have trusted me. Even if I rescued you then and brought you back to the Xuanqing Sect, you would have found it hard to develop a sense of belonging to the Xuanqing Sect, right?"
"..." Mo Tiange really wanted to refute him, but what he said seemed correct. What made her trust initially was Senior Brother Qin, so when she arrived at the Xuanqing Sect, she slowly began to accept that life. Then she discovered that trusting those around her wasn't so difficult. Even later, when she was disappointed in Senior Brother Qin, people like Luo Fengxue, Ye Jingwen, Uncle-Master Xuanyin, Master... made her feel that trust wasn't so terrifying.
Senior Brother Qin wasn't the entire reason, but he was the initial reason.
"Of course, I also enjoyed that feeling myself. I felt that in front of you, being a fellow cultivator of the same realm was much more relaxed. I could say some things and do some things without scruples..."
During that stage, she had indeed felt he was sincere and straightforward, without concealment, open and honest, clean and clear. But...
"Then came the Demon Beast Rebellion," Qin Xi said. "This matter... I don't know how to explain it to you, but I can tell you, I was in a bad mood back then, and it wasn't directed at you."
Not directed at her, yet he wore that dead-man's face? Mo Tiange fumed: "You..."
"Hey! I said, you're not allowed to speak now."
Mo Tiange closed her mouth even more indignantly.
"Perhaps you don't know what happened." He took a deep breath, preparing to speak of this matter for the first time. "Did you notice that when I came out of the Void Heaven Realm of those two God Transformation seniors, I was severely injured?"
Mo Tiange thought for a moment, then nodded. Though it wasn't stated explicitly, she could see it with her own eyes back then.
Qin Xi smiled, somewhat self-mockingly. "Actually, that was because in the Void Heaven Realm, that Senior Yuanbao said I possessed the Yang Spirit Bead and was suited to cultivate his technique, so he... put me through the wringer..."
Facing Mo Tiange's questioning gaze, he had no choice but to explain fully: "He made me eat many strange things and used many inexplicable methods, almost costing me half my life. That's precisely why I was severely injured. He said this was to transform my body, to make me infinitely close to a Pure Yang Constitution. That way... that way I could... be your Cauldron..."
By the end, his voice had almost faded away.
Mo Tiange's eyes widened. Finally, she spoke: "Cauldron?"
"Mhm." His face slightly red, he turned away. "He said, although I'm not a born Pure Yang Constitution, I originally possessed dual spiritual roots of metal and fire, both yang attributes, and had fused with the Yang Spirit Bead. After his transformation, as long as I slowly cultivated his Pure Yang Art, I would become no different from a Pure Yang Constitution... That way, being your Cauldron could help you cultivate rapidly..."
Mo Tiange kept staring at him, almost unable to believe what she was hearing. Cauldron? She had always feared being forced to become a Cauldron because of her own constitution, but he was also... afraid of becoming her Cauldron? This, this... what kind of situation was this?!
Qin Xi gave a light cough, feeling very uncomfortable under her gaze. "I admit... Senior Yuanbao's words were too devastating for me. So, as soon as I came out, I rushed back to heal, go into seclusion, and advance to Nascent Soul as soon as possible. That's also why I took my anger out on you..."
Mo Tiange was speechless for a long moment. She had originally thought that no matter what reason he gave, she would still feel angry. But, but this reason... was too ridiculous. So ridiculous it left her unable to speak, without even the energy to be angry...
"Tian Ge," he said somewhat anxiously, "I... are you laughing at me?"
"..." After a long silence, she nodded expressionlessly. "Yes, I am laughing at you."
"As I thought..." He sighed, self-mocking. "I know it's laughable, but... I imagine you also don't understand how much of an insult this was to me."
"I don't understand," she said. The next moment, she grabbed his collar, gritting her teeth. "But I know you were deceived!"