"When I reincarnated into this world and began seeking my own Karma, I finally learned that my Karma had long since been annihilated to ashes by the judgment of the Immortal Dao back in the ancient era."
"Heh."
Su Hua spoke, reminisced, and laughed.
But this laughter was filled with irony and self-mockery.
"Yet even so, I still didn't give up. I continued seeking my Karma. My seeking wasn't to find the Karma of this life, nor to understand my own Karma, nor even to uncover the secrets of the nightmare. I just wanted to forget that bond from my previous life that was stolen by Fate. Even knowing the Karma no longer existed, I still sought, because I only wanted to forget that bond from my previous life."
"I went to the Crimson Flame Ridge where he once wandered, and to the Cloud Mist Sect where he first entered. I went to the Demon Moon Palace, and to the Misty Silk Kingdom. Every place he had been, I went. Every path he had walked, I walked them all. Even every person he had met, I met them all..."
"Every magical artifact he forged, I forged them too. Every immortal art he created, I studied them all..."
"I chased the footprints he once left in this world, retracing a life's journey that belonged to him."
"I thought that by seeking Karma with such persistence, I could forget the bond from my previous life. But that was just what I thought. I don't know why, but the more I understood my own Karma, the more I found myself unable to forget that bond from my previous life."
"At first, I truly didn't know why. Later, I gradually came to understand why the more I understood the Karma of this life, the more I couldn't forget the bond from my previous life. It was because there were far, far too many similarities between the Karma of this life and the bond from my previous life."
"You Di was lonely. Monarch Chixiao was also lonely."
"You Di was a domineering You Di. Monarch Chixiao was also a domineering Monarch."
"You Di was a cold You Di. Monarch Chixiao was also a cold Monarch."
"You Di valued sentiment and righteousness. The Monarch did as well."
"You Di was wild and unrestrained. Monarch Chixiao was also wild and unrestrained. You Di was reckless, defying all laws and heavens. Monarch Chixiao was exactly the same."
"The two of them were just too, too similar. So similar that many times, I would even have an illusion. I didn't know if I was truly unable to forget You Di, or if I had fallen for a Monarch Chixiao I had never met, simply because he resembled You Di."
"I didn't know. I truly didn't know. That period was really confusing, full of Wandering."
"Until one day, I discovered Fate had played a huge joke on me. It turned out Monarch Chixiao hadn't died. He was still alive. Not only was he alive, but he had always been by my side, and I hadn't known."
"That wasn't important. What was important was that when I learned Monarch Chixiao was Gu Qingfeng, I finally realized I still couldn't forget You Di. The reason for my Wandering was simply because the legendary Monarch Chixiao was too much like You Di, nothing more."
"But it was only the legendary Monarch Chixiao who resembled You Di. As for Gu Qingfeng himself..."
"He wasn't like You Di at all. At least, that's what I thought at the beginning."
"Gu Qingfeng, more often than not, seemed like a good-for-nothing young master. Yet it was precisely this young master who, when he fell silent and serious, seemed to become a different person, becoming even more like You Di than the legendary Monarch Chixiao."
"He was really, really similar. So similar that the first time I saw him enraged, I even suspected if he was the reincarnation of You Di. But I knew You Di had been annihilated to ashes, and Gu Qingfeng was not a reincarnated person, let alone the reincarnation of You Di."
"I don't know when, but I began to feel confused again, to Wander again..."
"The more I interacted with Gu Qingfeng, the more I understood him, the less I knew whether I was truly unable to forget You Di from my previous life, or if I had fallen for Monarch Chixiao of this life. I also didn't know if the Monarch Chixiao I had fallen for was because his existence resembled You Di, or if I had simply developed feelings for him as a person."
"I don't know. I truly don't know..."
"And I won't have the chance to know anymore."
"In my previous life, I admired You Di. You took him away, and you took away my first, my only bond."
"In this life, I admire the Monarch. You are about to take him away again."
"The ridiculous thing is, your reason for taking away You Di was because he was intolerable to Heaven and Earth. Even more ridiculous is that your reason for about to take away the Monarch is also because his existence is intolerable to Heaven and Earth."
"Heh..." Su Hua spoke, speaking listlessly, speaking heartbroken, speaking with despair and Wandering: "Am I cursed by Fate? Or is my very existence itself a curse? Otherwise, why are all the men I admire intolerable to Heaven and Earth? Is it him you cannot tolerate, or is it me?"
She shook her head, closed her eyes, and shed tears.
Crying, and laughing.
"Senior Sister, I truly don't know what I've done wrong. Why must Fate treat me this way? I don't seek any Karma, nor do I want to know any secrets of the nightmare. I just want a bond of my own. Why won't you grant me such a simple request? What have I done wrong? Why must Fate punish me like this?"
"Why!"
"Just why!"
This cry from Su Hua was heart-wrenching.
Looking at Su Hua in this state, Nalan Qianqiu's heart ached terribly, her eyes also reddening. She walked over, embraced Su Hua, and wiped away her tears, saying: "Junior Sister, I'm sorry. I didn't know you've been living in such pain all these years... I'm sorry! Truly sorry!"
Yes.
Nalan Qianqiu hadn't known.
She thought she understood her junior sister well, and thought her junior sister was strong.
Only today, only at this moment, did she realize she didn't understand her junior sister. Her junior sister wasn't as strong as she appeared on the surface. All her surface strength was built up bit by bit from the endless pain within her heart.
"Junior Sister, there's one thing I don't know if I should tell you. Eldest Senior Sister and the others, and even the Immortal Dao, Buddhist Dao, and the Heavenly Dao, including Genggu Wuming, have repeatedly warned me never to say it. But... but if I don't say it today, I feel I would be too unworthy of you, and utterly unfit to be your senior sister."
It was unclear if Su Hua was listening. She just cried, weeping silently on Nalan Qianqiu's shoulder.
"Junior Sister, you just said you didn't know if you were truly unable to forget You Di from your previous life, or if you had fallen for Monarch Chixiao of this life. You also didn't know if the Monarch Chixiao you had fallen for was because his existence resembled You Di, or if you had simply developed feelings for him as a person."
"Now, let me tell you the answer."
"You have neither forgotten You Di from your previous life, nor have you fallen for Monarch Chixiao of this life. Do you know why?"
"It's not because his existence resembles You Di."
"It's because the Monarch Chixiao you met in this life is, in fact, the Nine Nethers Emperor you met in your previous life!"