"Actually...
Sometimes when I think about it, I feel quite sorry for that fellow. He was born with a free-spirited, unrestrained nature, lazy and leisurely by disposition. He harbored no ambition to dominate the heavens and earth, nor any real interest in the Great Dao. All he liked was a carefree, unfettered life."
Speaking of Gu Qingfeng, Cang Yan's tone was complex, seeming to convey more than mere sympathy.
"Yet destiny played a cruel trick. From the day he was born, he was saddled with far too many intricate and tangled threads of Karmic Fate. Step by step, he sank deeper into them. The more he struggled, the deeper he sank; the deeper he sank, the more chaotic the Karmic Fate he carried became. Until now, no one knows how deeply he's mired in Original Sin, nor how chaotic the Karmic Fate he bears truly is."
Cang Yan also gazed out at the vast, boundless expanse of the Primordial Black Hole, watching the endless Chaotic Currents. A complicated smile touched the corner of her lips, followed by a sigh as she murmured to herself, "But besides sympathy, what I feel more is admiration."
"After all he's been through on his journey, experiencing so many things, he actually hasn't lost himself. His spirit hasn't shattered, and even his state of mind remains largely unaffected. It's truly beyond imagination, and it makes me admire him utterly."
Cang Yan added self-deprecatingly, "Leaving others aside, if it were me in his place, I'm afraid I would have long since lost myself amidst so many intricate, chaotic, and tangled threads of karma..." Karma can indeed cause one to lose oneself.
Throughout the ages, Cang Yan had seen far too many people who, in their pursuit of karma, had lost themselves.
Among them were mighty figures of immense power and influence, and she herself, in her own pursuit of karma long ago, had also lost herself.
The reason was simple.
Karma—cause and effect. The cause from a previous life, the fruit in this life.
To pursue karma is inevitably to pursue one's previous lives. And once you pursue your previous lives, you often can't distinguish which is the true self—whether the self from the previous life belongs to you, or the self from this life is the real you.
Moreover, karma has no end. Because the fruit of this life stems from the cause of a previous life, and the fruit of that previous life came from a cause planted in the life before that, and that life before had a life before it as well... on and on, with no true end. Once you fall into it, you lose yourself. The deeper you sink, the more lost you become.
That was how Cang Yan lost herself back then.
She pursued karma to find her true self, or rather, her original self. But when she traced the karma of her previous life, she discovered that that previous life had a previous life before it, and that one had another before it, and that one yet another... In the end, she not only failed to find her true self or her original self, but she also lost her sense of self.
If it weren't for Genggu Wuming guiding her to reclaim herself, the Cang Yan of today would likely still be lost.
It was only after finding her way back from being lost that she truly understood a phrase Genggu Wuming had once said.
Karma has no end, just as the sea of suffering has no far shore.
To be lost in karma is akin to falling into the sea of suffering.
In her thinking, she had lost herself merely by pursuing her own karma. Yet the karma Gu Qingfeng bore was all intricately tangled and chaotically disordered.
If Cang Yan's karma was like a single Chaotic Current, no matter how lost she became, she would only be lost within the karma that belonged to her.
But Gu Qingfeng's karma was more like a whirlpool of Chaotic Currents, containing who knows how many currents and how many disordered threads of karma within it. If he were to become lost, who knows into what kind of chaotic karma he might vanish? He might even lose not his self, but become another 'him'—a 'him' who had lost his 'I'. In other words, the Gu Qingfeng of that time would no longer be Gu Qingfeng. He would become another existence, bereft of his 'I'. His previous life, the life before that, would have no further connection to him.
What made Cang Yan profoundly admire him was that, all along his journey, even bearing such disordered karma, Gu Qingfeng still hadn't lost himself. No matter how deeply he sank into Original Sin, no matter how chaotic the karma he bore, he remained himself, never once losing his sense of self.
What made Cang Yan admire him utterly was that not only had this fellow not lost himself, but his state of mind hadn't changed either. Facing the karma he bore, his attitude before was one of neither acceptance nor refusal—he took whatever came, letting nature take its course.
And now?
It was still the same. Even knowing the karma he bore was chaotic, even knowing countless powerful beings across the heavens and earth were watching him, even knowing his decisions might affect the situation of the world, he still didn't care, not in the slightest. He took things one step at a time.
Though Cang Yan was reluctant to admit it, she had to acknowledge that this fellow's heart was truly vast—not just ordinary vast, but vast as if he cared about nothing, as if nothing mattered, vast enough to seemingly contain all of heaven and earth, past and present.
Thinking of this, Cang Yan suddenly asked, "Do you think...
Has this fellow resigned himself to Fate?"
Genggu Wuming did not respond, merely standing there quietly, like a speck of dust, like the Chaotic Currents flowing within this Primordial Black Hole—blurring the lines between truth and falsehood, reality and illusion.
Cang Yan continued, "In my impression, this fellow used to be innately aloof and fiercely unruly. Has he, after experiencing so much, had that aloof nature worn smooth? Worn down until he lost his original nature and his temper? Faced with such complex and chaotic karma, knowing he is powerless, has he chosen to submit to Heaven's will?"
Beside her, Genggu Wuming shook her head slightly and finally spoke, stating with certainty, "No!
He will not resign himself to Fate, nor will he submit to Heaven's will!
In all of heaven and earth, past and present, anyone might resign themselves to Fate, anyone might choose to submit to Heaven's will—including you, and including me. But he alone will not."
Cang Yan asked curiously, "Why?"
"Because he exists precisely because of defying Heaven and altering Fate. His soul, his blood, his heart are all like this. It is his innate nature. He will not resign himself to Fate, much less submit to Heaven's will."
Cang Yan murmured Genggu Wuming's words, pondering them for a moment, then said, "If he wouldn't submit to Heaven's will, then why has he remained unmoved until now? Could he truly care about nothing, be indifferent to everything? Could his heart truly be vast enough to transcend everything?"
"No."
Genggu Wuming said, "He is not indifferent. He does care. There are people he cares about..." As Genggu Wuming's words fell, Cang Yan sank into contemplation.
She knew that across heaven and earth, past and present, quite a few people shared an indescribably complex karma with Gu Qingfeng. For instance, her junior sister Su Hua, Jun Xuanji, Yun Nishang, and others—they all shared a karma spanning three lives and three lifetimes with Gu Qingfeng.
And there was one most important person: Little Jin'er.
As for whether Gu Qingfeng cared about Su Hua, Jun Xuanji, Yun Nishang, and those karmic ties spanning three lives, Cang Yan couldn't say for sure. But one thing she was certain of: Gu Qingfeng cared deeply about Little Jin'er.