"Transcending the Self..." Gu Qingfeng murmured these four words, pondered for a moment, then asked again, "How does one transcend the self?"
The Old Monk did not answer but instead asked, "Does Layman Gu truly wish to transcend the self?"
"Of course."
"This Old Monk asks again, does Layman Gu truly wish to transcend the self?"
"Of course."
"Does Layman Gu truly wish to transcend the self?"
"Of course."
The Old Monk asked Gu Qingfeng three times in a row whether he truly wished to transcend the self, and each time Gu Qingfeng answered without hesitation: "Of course."
"No! This Old Monk feels Layman Gu does not wish to transcend the self at all."
"That's just your feeling. I feel I want to transcend the self."
This time, the Old Monk did not speak again. After a silence, Gu Qingfeng said, "Never mind whether I want to or not, I'd like to ask you how exactly one transcends the self?"
"To transcend the self, one must first recognize the self."
"How does one recognize the self?"
The Old Monk asked again, "Does Layman Gu truly wish to recognize the self?"
"Of course."
"Does Layman Gu truly wish to recognize the self?"
"Of course."
The Old Monk asked Gu Qingfeng three more times whether he wished to recognize the self, and Gu Qingfeng still answered "Of course" three times.
"No! Layman Gu not only does not wish to transcend the self, he also does not wish to recognize the self."
"You are not me, how could you know what I think?"
"This Old Monk can sense it."
"Is that so..." Gu Qingfeng laughed, "That's just your feeling. Unfortunately, you are not me."
"Layman Gu."
The Old Monk's voice came, still like the toll of a primordial bell crossing through the Archaic, Ancient, and Antiquity eras, saying, "Who am I?"
"What do you mean, who are you?" Gu Qingfeng was baffled and replied, "Aren't you the Old Monk?"
The Old Monk asked again, "I! Am! Who!"
"Nonsense! You are you!"
The Old Monk asked a third time, "I! Am! Who!"
"You haven't told me who you are either," Gu Qingfeng said. "How would I know who you are!"
The Old Monk asked again, "Then, Layman Gu, do you know who you yourself are?"
"Of course I know."
"Who are you?"
"I am me! I am Gu Qingfeng."
"No! This Old Monk is not asking about a name. A name is merely a label. You can be called Gu Qingfeng, This Old Monk can be called Gu Qingfeng, anyone can be called Gu Qingfeng."
"Then when you ask who I am, if not my name, what are you asking?"
"This Old Monk asks, apart from the label of a name, who are you?"
Apart from his name, who was he?
This question was truly difficult to answer.
At least, at this moment, Gu Qingfeng did not know how to answer this question.
"This Old Monk asks Layman Gu another question: Who am I!"
"You've already asked that question just now."
"No! Layman Gu, This Old Monk was asking about the 'True Self' just now. Now I am asking about the 'Ego'."
Gu Qingfeng felt a headache coming on and asked, "Is there a difference between the True Self and the Ego?"
"When This Old Monk uses the label 'I' to communicate with Layman Gu, Layman Gu's label is also 'I'. What does this mean? Does it mean you are me, and I am you..." Gu Qingfeng was getting confused listening.
And the Old Monk continued, "Where do I come from at birth, and where do I go at death? Why must I appear in this Heaven and Earth? What does my appearance mean to this Heaven and Earth? Did Heaven and Earth choose me, or did I choose Heaven and Earth?"
Gu Qingfeng was becoming more and more confused the more he listened.
Yet.
The Old Monk was still speaking, his words growing increasingly profound, saying, "Is there a necessary connection between me and the vastness of the universe, this Heaven and Earth, the profound and the primal? Does Heaven and Earth have an end? Does time have length? Where does past time disappear to? Where does future time stop? Is the question I am asking at this moment still the question Layman Gu asked just now?"
"Who exactly am I? Are you me, or am I me? And who am I!"
"Where do I come from?"
"Where am I going?"
Gu Qingfeng felt his head splitting with pain and immediately shouted, "Stop! Enough! Don't say anymore! I can't take it!"
"Sigh..." The Old Monk sighed and said, "Layman Gu is not unable to bear it. Layman Gu is not incapable of transcending the self, nor is he unable to recognize the self. Rather, from the very beginning, Layman Gu did not wish to transcend the self, nor did he wish to recognize the self."
This time, Gu Qingfeng did not refute it.
"Layman Gu slept for ten thousand years. After awakening, you had long realized your own confusion. Layman Gu's confusion has nothing to do with Original Sin, nor with karma, but is related to Layman Gu himself. Layman Gu knows very well in his heart that as long as you transcend the self, you will achieve complete enlightenment and understanding."
"Unfortunately, Layman Gu does not wish to transcend the self. Layman Gu cannot let go, cannot let go of the 'Ego' in his heart. To be precise, what Layman Gu cannot let go of are the memories related to the 'Ego'."
Gu Qingfeng closed his eyes, his expression filled with sorrow.
After a long time, he opened his mouth and asked, "If I abandon my Ego, after transcending, will I still be me?"
The Old Monk did not answer this question.
"After transcending, I might still be me, but I would not be the me I was before."
The Old Monk sighed again and said, "Ultimately, Layman Gu still does not wish to let go of the Ego in his heart."
"Although I don't want to, I have to admit that what you say is true. I truly do not wish to let go of the Ego in my heart."
"Layman Gu, may This Old Monk ask, why can you not let go?"
"Because I only want to be myself. Along this journey, although it has been very rough, with painful memories and beautiful memories, whether painful or beautiful, they are all memories that belong to me, to my Ego."
The Old Monk said, "Even if you transcend the self, these memories will still be Layman Gu's memories. No one can take them away."
"You are right, no one can take them away. However, the memories of the past will then become recollections."
"Is there a difference between memory and recollection?"
"Yes. Memories are what the present me has experienced. Recollections are what the former me experienced. The memories I have experienced still stir my heart when I think of them now. The recollections of what I once experienced, when looked back upon, will only gradually fade like passing clouds until they are forgotten."
"This Old Monk does not understand."
"It's right that you don't understand. I am human, you are Buddha. How could you understand?"
The Old Monk said, "Buddha is also human."
Gu Qingfeng retorted, "But humans are not Buddha."
"Is there a difference between Buddha and human?"
"Of course there is. You are a Buddha of the Four Emptinesses! I am a human of the Seven Emotions and Six Desires!"
"A Buddha of the Four Emptinesses, a human of the Seven Emotions and Six Desires!"
The Old Monk murmured, "So that's how it is... So that's how it is..."
"My master once taught me a saying: 'Uphold your true nature, never forget your original intent.' This is the nature of humans, and it is also my nature."
"So, Layman Gu will neither become a Buddha nor a Sage in this lifetime, is that right?"
"Of course."
"Even if you transcend the self, Layman Gu will still be human."
"Whether one is still human after transcending the self, I don't know. But one thing is certain: after transcending the self, one will definitely not be an ordinary person."
Gu Qingfeng laughed heartily and said, "Old Monk, have you forgotten? I said... I am an ordinary person. I was in the past, I am now, and I will be in the future. I like being an ordinary person with the Seven Emotions and Six Desires."